Terrorist Attack. 6 o'clock news.

Horrified passengers were evacuated from a subway train yesterday after lack of surveillance and breach in security permitted a terrorist to enter into Manhattan's Brooklyn-bound D line.

The suspect, a 64 yr. old disabled man from Ponce, Puerto Rico, boarded the train with a small package between his legs and sat quietly most of the ride. Witnesses claim he seemed suspicious at first, but in comparison with the rush hour crowd, he quickly lost his thunder.

"I was looking at his crotch, alright. He done looked like he had some donkey balls, but I figured they was just saggy, cus he was O.D. old.. but then he turned around and thats when i noticed what it was" recalled Jane Spencer, a Martin Luther King High School senior aboard the train at the time.

Authorities declined to comment, but unofficial sources claim the man stood up from his seat, made a face and released a noxious gas along with a mass of unknown origin. Preliminary tests show that the toxin released was merely methane, not mustard gas as originally assumed by the color left behind on the seats.

Regardless of the nature of the chemical used, and over 200 people crammed into a car rushed to the closed doors on the opposite side of the wagon.

"Je ne comprend pas! Je vous deteste, idiot! Je ne parle pas langlais!" Exclaimed an outraged tourist, which we assume means he almost peed his pants in fear and he will sue the city for it.

A panel of specialists and MTA officials will meet tomorrow morning to determine the measures needed to prevent this attack to reoccurring. Additional funds will likely be allocated to double MTA's advertising of the "If You See Something, Say Something" campaign, where straphangers are encouraged to speak up when they see suspicious activities.

MTA President Norman Prendergast has assured this forum that this will NOT result in yet another fare hike to cover the world-famous deficit, though it is worth noting he winked and crossed his fingers as he said it, sparking the uproarious laughter from his colleagues.